The Opium Den

I am going to name my dog this

Body: A Dog Named Sex Usually everyone who has a dog either calls him "Rover" or "spot". I call my dog SEX. Well, SEX is very embarrassing name. One day I took SEX for a walk and he ran away from me. I spent hours looking for SEX. A cop came along and asked me what I was doing in the alley at 4:00 am and I said I am looking for SEX (my case comes up next Thursday).

One day I went to City Hall to get a license for SEX, The clerk asked me what I wanted, I told him a license for SEX. He said HE would like one too. Then I said, but this is a dog, and he said he didn't care how she looked. Then I said you don’t understand, I have had SEX since I was 5 years old. He looked at me very strangely.

When I decided to get married, I told the minister that I wanted to have SEX at the wedding. He told me to wait until after the wedding. I said but SEX has played a big part of my life and my whole lifestyle revolves around SEX. He said he didn't want to hear about my personal life and he would not marry us in his church. I told him everyone coming to the wedding would enjoy having SEX there too. The next day we were married by the justice of the peace. My family is now barred from the church.

My wife and I took the dog along with us on the honeymoon, when we checked into the hotel, I told the clerk that I wanted a room for my wife and I and a special room for SEX. The clerk said that every hotel room is a room for SEX. Then I said "you don't understand SEX keeps me awake at night.” The clerk said me too. One day I told my friend that I had SEX on TV and she called me a show off. I told her it was a dog contest and she told me I should have sold tickets.

When my wife and I separated we went to court to fight for custody of SEX. I said your honor I had SEX before I got married and the judge said me too. Well now I have been thrown in jail, married, divorced and had more trouble with SEX than I ever gambled for.

Just the other day when I went for my first session with the psychiatrist, she asked me what the problem was. I replied SEX has died and left my life, it is like losing my best friend and I’m lonely. The doctor said look honey, you and I both know SEX isn't a man’s best friend so get yourself a dog .